#hum

And what about us? Do you want a vampire boyfriend?" He laughed bitterly. "Because I forsee many romantic picnics in our future. You, drinking a virgin piña colada. Me, drinking the blood of a virgin. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#cassandra-clare #city-of-ashes #clary-fray #fun #humor

He called me a pie!” she announced, defensively. There was a pause. “Wait. That’s not right.” “A tart?” “Yes! That’s it! ↗

— Sarah MacLean

#humor

The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance. ↗

— Taylor Caldwell

#politics #humor

I'd wish you luck, but I don't think it would help," "Why not?" "My lady, you make your own luck. ↗

— Maria V. Snyder

#humor

Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college, ↗

— Woody Allen

#parents #humor

Violet: "You're an asshole." Onyx: "Thank you, it's something that took an eternity to perfect. ↗

— Jessica Shirvington

#demons #humor #ya #humor

Well, because you mysteriously came all this way and obviously are not the man I thought you were, why the heck not. So, Phet, if that’s even your real name, tell me, how do I defeat Lokesh?” “It’s simple. Do to him what I did to you.” “What? Talk to him in broken English? ↗

— Colleen Houck

#humor

Everything is perfect. Everything is fine. The rules of life are made up. The rules only exist in your mind. Of course there may be courtesies And closures and laws to abide, But the zeal with which you play Relies on where YOU draw the line ↗

— Jason Mraz

#inspiring #humor

People flock in, nevertheless, in search of answers to those questions only librarians are considered to be able to answer, such as "Is this the laundry?" "How do you spell surreptitious?" and, on a regular basis, "Do you have a book I remember reading once? It had a red cover and it turned out they were twins. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#librarians #humor

I know that even now, having watched enough television, you probably won't even refer to them as lepers so as to spare their feelings. You probably call them 'parts-dropping-off challenged' or something. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#political-correctness #humor