#hum

if everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane(T-Shirt) ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor

It is only in our beautiful France that wholesale slaughter is done lawfully, in the name of liberty and of brotherly love ↗

— Emmuska Orczy

#beauty

Yes, it's your fault I'm alive. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#life-or-death #savior #death

Of course it's your fault," Grandma said. "You must be doing something wrong, if you know what I mean. Maybe you need to buy a book that tells you how to do it. I hear there are books out there with pictures and everything. I saw one in the store the other day. It was called A Sex Guide for Dummies. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

Exercise is for people who can't handle drugs or alcohol. ↗

— Lily Tomlin

#humor

I swear, Oliver, when did you become such a stick-in-the-mud?” “I’ve always been a stick-in-the-mud.” Her brother cast her a thin smile. “I just hid it beneath all the debauchery.” She sniffed. “I wish you’d hide it again. It’s quite annoying. ↗

— Sabrina Jeffries

#siblings #humor

In less than a year, the Bush administration will strut out of office, leaving the country in roughly the same condition a toddler leaves a diaper. ↗

— Graydon Carter

#politics #wit #humor

Nothing like an arcane literary debate with your tyrannical master while you pass the time leading to your execution. ↗

— Elizabeth Wein

#humor

When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#humor

ما اسهل اقناع الحبيب لحبيبته. خاصة في مرحلة ما قبل الزواج...قبل اجراء عملية المياه البيضاء لمراة الحب العمياء ↗

— احمد مراد

#humor