#hum

She folded her arms and then shouted, "Right you thieving scunners! How dare you steal Miss Treason's funeral meats!" "Oh, waily, waily, it's the foldin' o' the arms, the foooldin' o' the aaaarmss!" cried Daft Wullie, dropping to the ground and trying to cover himself with leaves. Around him Feegles started to wail and cower and Big Yan began to bang his head on the rear wall of the dairy. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, then throw them in the face of the person who gave you the lemons in the first place and ask for your oranges again. ↗

— NewsRadio

#humor

Humor is tragedy plus time. ↗

— Mark Twain

#tragedy #humor

Don't you understand?" snarled Rincewind. "We are going over the Edge, godsdammit!" "Can't we do anything about it?" "No!" "Then I can't see the sense in panicking," said Twoflower calmly. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

It was Will who broke the silence. “Very well. You have me alone in the corridor—” “Yes, yes,” said Tessa impatiently, “and thousands of women all over England would pay handsomely for the privilege of such an opportunity. Can we put aside the display of your wit for a moment? This is important. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#tessa-gray #will-herondale #humor

The children were overwhelmingly morbid. Not a single adult asked me where butterflies go when they die, but this question was more popular than pixie sticks with the under-four-foot set. I cursed parents for not preparing their children. When I was five, my mother and sister sat me up on the kitchen counter and explained the facts of life: the Easter Bunny didn't exist, Elijah was God's invisible friend, with any luck Nana would die soon, and if I ever saw a unicorn, I should kill it or catch it for cash. I turned out okay. ↗

— Sloane Crosley

#jewish #kids #life-lessons #humor

Quaint and picturesque, though I didn't voice my opinion out loud. Keirran and Annwyl were faeries, and Kenzie was a girl, so it was okay for them to notice such things. as a card-carrying guy club, I wasn't going to comment on the floral arrangements. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#humor #men #stereotypes #humor

What’s your name, then? ”Tessa looked at him in disbelief. “What’s my name?” “Don’t you know it? ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#tessa-gray #will-herondale #humor

You wouldn't let him do it, would you, Jamie?" Jamie's expression was very serene. She stared at Andrew when she spoke to her husband. "With your permission, I would like to answer him." "You have it," Alec replied. "Andrew," she called out in a voice as cold and clear as a frigid winter morning, "my husband does whatever he wishes to do. I am sometimes allowed to help, though. If he decides to cut off your feet, I will, of course, offer him my assistance. ↗

— Julie Garwood

#humor

Tessa knows Will,” protested Charlotte. “She trusts Will.” “Iwouldn’t go that far,” muttered Tessa. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#tessa-gray #will-herondale #humor