#hilarious

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #hilarious




I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said.


Dave Matthes


#bastard #booze #comedy #conditioner #crack

All I can say is I've been reading the lips of bleeped-out words, angry baseball players, and stoned-out rock stars on awards shows for years and it's been hilarious. Everyone is always asking me what the bleeped-out parts are saying.


Marlee Matlin


#angry #asking #awards #baseball #baseball players

What man art thou that, thus bescreened in night, So stumblest on my counsel? *Who are you? Why do you hide in the darkness and listen to my private thoughts?*


William Shakespeare


#imposition #privacy #art

Piers looked up at him. 'You're new. What's your name?' 'Neythen, my lord.' 'Sounds like a terrible illness. No, more like a bowel problem. I'm sorry, Lord Sandys, your son has contracted neythen and won't live a month. No, no, there's nothing I can do. Sandys would have preferred hearing that to syphilis.


Eloisa James


#hilarious #make-fun-of #teasing #beauty

Let's pray that the human race never escapes Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere.


C.S. Lewis


#hilarious #escape

I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping.


Jarod Kintz


#dad #funny #hilarious #humor #kidnapping

Did those nice church ladies come by again?" He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else.


Ilona Andrews


#ascanio #awesome #church #funny #hilarious

I want to read the employment section of the Bible. I think it’s simply called Job.


Jarod Kintz


#employment #hilarious #humor #jarod-kintz #job

Happy is one of the many things I'm likely to be over the course of a day and certainly over the course of a lifetime. But I think if you have the expectation that you're going to be happy throughout your life--more to the point, if you have a need to be comfortable all the time--well, among other things, you have the makings of a classic drug addict or alcoholic.


Carrie Fisher


#life

Rocher was on the floor, crawling on her stomach toward Jate's feet. "I love you...," she kept repeating, in a demonic whisper. "I have to show you... my butt.


Paul Rudnick


#jate #rocher #tattoo #love