#hilarious

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. ↗

— Bill Hicks

#funny #gets #hilarious #hurt #just

What man art thou that, thus bescreened in night, So stumblest on my counsel? *Who are you? Why do you hide in the darkness and listen to my private thoughts?* ↗

— William Shakespeare

#imposition #privacy #art

How much of my fever-induced dream was real? I felt safe assuming that my time as a bee was fiction, as well as a few mythological animals that I swear I'd seen. Then I'd lived on the sun with aliens. ↗

— Cora Carmack

#hilarious #humor #dreams

I don't know,' he said irritably. 'Is it meant to improve you?' She swiveled toward him, eyes wide with shock. 'Because nothing could,' he added. Her mouth dropped in astonishment. Blotchy scarlet rushed her complexion. One would have thought he'd shot her. Oh dear God! He realized belatedly how wrong it had sounded. 'No! God... that is to say.. nothing is necessary to improve you. Nothing could possibly make you better... than you already are. ↗

— Julie Anne Long

#hilarious #wrong #funny

Happy is one of the many things I'm likely to be over the course of a day and certainly over the course of a lifetime. But I think if you have the expectation that you're going to be happy throughout your life--more to the point, if you have a need to be comfortable all the time--well, among other things, you have the makings of a classic drug addict or alcoholic. ↗

— Carrie Fisher

#life

It was all fun and games until someone else's dick was in your girlfriend's TMJ mouth ↗

— Tara Sivec

#seduction

As if she had summoned them, a flurry of stones flew out of the darkness, striking his mail, pinging off his helm. One hit his unprotected leg and he yelped and clutched it. That was a mistake. The second barrage was entirely directed at his legs. ↗

— Hilari Bell

#stones #hilarious

I don't lack for bed partners, so I don't need to scrounge for unwilling scraps.-Spade ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#hilarious #night-huntress #spade #classics

The alien in my uncle hand obviously taken full control. Soon, it would claw its way out of his stomach and tap dance across my bed ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#hilarious #hilarious

So..." Heather nodded slowly. "We're still here." "Yep. I think your team of SWAT guys got lost. Probably looking for their shirts." She made a face at him. "You're effing hilarious." "I try. ↗

— Chelsea Fine

#chelsea-fine #gabriel #heather #hilarious