#hilarious

It's hilarious a lot of times. You have a conversation with someone, and he's like, 'You speak so well!' I'm like, 'What do you mean? Do you understand that's an insult? ↗

— Jay-Z

#hilarious #i #insult #like #lot

No more tubs for me." I jumped off the bed and pulled on a pair of Pack sweats. "They make me lose all sense." Curran sprawled on the bed with a big self-satisfied smile. "Want to know a secret?" "Sure." "It's not the bathtub, baby." Well, aren't we smug. I picked up the corner of the lowest mattress and made a show of looking under it. "What are you looking for?" "A pea Your Majesty." "What?" "You heard me." I jumped back as he lunged and his fingers missed me by an inch. "Getting slow in your old age." "I thought you liked it slow." A flashback to last night mugged me and my mind executed a full stop. He laughed. "Ran out of snappy comebacks?" "Hush. I'm trying to think of one. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#hilarious #ilona-andrews #kate #magic #age

Terrorism is just a whole other level of anger management issues. ↗

— Thisuri Wanniarachchi

#hilarious #humor #terrorism #anger

He even dressed up for you. He only has one stain on his t-shirt.- Rylie Cruz ↗

— Rose Pressey

#dating

His father had always said, Son, the most important thing in life is to make a contribution. Who would have thought Kittridge’s contribution would be video-blogging from the front lines of the apocalypse? ↗

— Justin Cronin

#incongruous #life

Forgive me. I continue to underestimate the breadth of your ignorance. ↗

— Ransom Riggs

#forgiveness

I'm a little bit naked, but that's okay. ↗

— Lady Gaga

#funny #gaga #germanotta #hilarious #interview

Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #hilarious #humor #laugh-out-loud #name-badge

Who’s a** is this?” Mo asked... “Mine!” Mykel shouted. Mo stilled and then laughed. Mykel thought about what he said and then felt his face heat up from embarrassment. “I mean yours.” “God, I love you,” Mo said... ↗

— Stormy Glen

#love

You! You tricked me! I never want to see you or that bottle of liquid arsenic again!” I chucked the empty moonshine jug at him. Or tried to. It missed him by a dozen feet. He picked it up in astonishment. “You drank the whole bloody thing? You were only supposed to have a few sips!” “Did you say that? Did you?” He reached me just as I felt the ground tip. “Didn’t say anything. I’ve got those names, so that’s all that matters, but you men…you’re all alike. Alive, dead, undead—all perverts! I had a drunken pervert in my pants! Do you know how unsanitary that is?” Bones held me upright. I would have protested, but I couldn’t remember how to. “What are you saying?” “Winston poltergeisted my panties, that’s what!” I announced with a loud hiccup. “Why, you scurvy, lecherous spook!” Bones yelled in the direction of the cemetery. “If my pipes still worked, I’d go right back there and piss on your grave! ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#hilarious #humor #humor