#hilarious

It wasn’t enough that I had to worry about playing well and winning the game, but I also had to deal with possibility that one of my teammates could be dragged off the field by the inhabitants of the mental hospital. ↗

— Weston Locher

#comedy #essays #funny #hilarious #humor

No," Nathan grumbled. "Like, not piss on him, just all around him." Stuart raised an eyebrow. "Nath, you need to chill. We're in a bar, a busy bar. We can't stop people talking to each other." "I know but-" "Look, don't worry about it," Stuart insisted. "Try not to turn into a bunny boiler just yet. ↗

— Melanie Tushmore

#jealousy #business

Pussy punch: when a twat tap just isn't enough ↗

— Tara Sivec

#seduction

Will you show me what you really look like? You don't sparkle, do you? ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#hilarious #katy #sparkly #hilarious

You’d throw yourself in front of a bus for me.” She would and he knew it.He knew it and she knew that he felt that knowledge burrow deep and he liked it. Elle felt tears stinging the backs of her eyes, her body melted into his,her arms tightened around him and she whispered back, “Yes,Pren,though I hope I never get the chance. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#hilarious #love #love

She was going to go to her room,munch on chocolate,then collapse into bed. And if her upstairs neighbors decided to talk about who the daddy was or cry again about how much David was loved,she'd go up there and give them somthing to really bloody cry about. ↗

— Suzanne Wright

#depress #hilarious #hot #sex #love

I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said. ↗

— Dave Matthes

#bastard #booze #comedy #conditioner #crack