#hilarious

Oh, god…” I whimper. “I haven’t done anything yet, baby,” Colton growls. “I know,” I pant. “I was just saying your name. ↗

— Jasinda Wilder

#falling #falling-into-you #funny #haha #hilarious

I really don’t think you should put your hand inside the manticore, dear. You don’t know where it’s been.” –Enid Healy ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#hilarious #funny

Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me? ↗

— John Kennedy Toole

#ass #attitude #contempt #curmudgeon #hilarious

Piers looked up at him. 'You're new. What's your name?' 'Neythen, my lord.' 'Sounds like a terrible illness. No, more like a bowel problem. I'm sorry, Lord Sandys, your son has contracted neythen and won't live a month. No, no, there's nothing I can do. Sandys would have preferred hearing that to syphilis. ↗

— Eloisa James

#hilarious #make-fun-of #teasing #beauty

No way, that would kill my diet for the week. I don't know how you can stand to eat so unhealthy, Quinn. Just consider it an amuse-biatch. ↗

— Steph Campbell

#hilarious #sopapilla-cheesecake-bars #diet

How much of my fever-induced dream was real? I felt safe assuming that my time as a bee was fiction, as well as a few mythological animals that I swear I'd seen. Then I'd lived on the sun with aliens. ↗

— Cora Carmack

#hilarious #humor #dreams

Let's pray that the human race never escapes Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. ↗

— C.S. Lewis

#hilarious #escape

I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dad #funny #hilarious #humor #kidnapping

Did those nice church ladies come by again?" He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ascanio #awesome #church #funny #hilarious

I don't know,' he said irritably. 'Is it meant to improve you?' She swiveled toward him, eyes wide with shock. 'Because nothing could,' he added. Her mouth dropped in astonishment. Blotchy scarlet rushed her complexion. One would have thought he'd shot her. Oh dear God! He realized belatedly how wrong it had sounded. 'No! God... that is to say.. nothing is necessary to improve you. Nothing could possibly make you better... than you already are. ↗

— Julie Anne Long

#hilarious #wrong #funny