#hilarious

Why not try thinking of your life as hilarious rather than nightmarish? ↗

— Julia Sweeney

#life #rather #than #thinking #try

In the beginning, I would find a character I understood. That was my focus. Not now - but you basically get offered the exact same thing you just did. Which I find hilarious. I did 'The Vow,' and then I had every love story you can imagine thrown at me. And now I'm getting offers for comedies. ↗

— Channing Tatum

#beginning #character #comedies #did #every

There are only so many hilarious actors so when they cross-pollinate, people assume it's always the same actors and directors. ↗

— Judd Apatow

#assume #directors #hilarious #many #only

I can't see anything" he said in a muffled voice, hand over his eyes. "I'm blind. ↗

— L.J. Smith

#hilarious #funny

Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson. ↗

— John Oliver

#hilarious #baseball

A million dollars? A bit much don't you think?" "Fuck you." Caleb smiled, the self indulgent little shit. "My apologies," he mocked with a slight forward bow, "What I meant to say is: no pussy's that good. Though yours does come close. ↗

— C.J. Roberts

#hilarious-but-true #humor

A vibrator can last all night, too, vampire! - Denise ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#denise #hilarious #night-huntress #sex #sex

Lying is a full time occupation, even if you tell just one, because once you tell it, you're stuck with it. If you want to do it right, you have to visualize it, conjure the graphics, tone, and sequence of action, then relate it purposefully in the midst of seemingly spontaneous dialogue. The more actual the lie becomes to the listener, the more actual it becomes to the teller, which is scariest of all. Some people really get to believing their own lies. ↗

— Hilary Thayer Hamann

#lies #hilarious

You will be interested to hear, Hilary, that it [the drug] had a most remarkable effect — even on Selena after a very modest quantity. She cast off all conventional restraints and devoted herself without shame to the pleasure of the moment." I asked for particulars of this uncharacteristic conduct. "She took from her handbag a paperback edition of Pride and Prejudice and sat on the sofa reading it, declining all offers of conversation. ↗

— Sarah Caudwell

#humour #jane-austen #hilarious

Damn it! I knew she was a monster! John! Amy! Listen! Guard your buttholes. ↗

— David Wong

#funny #hilarious #spiders #funny