#her

A loyal American wife should never be without a gun in her purse, just in case her husband turns traitor. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #loyalty #marriage #treachery #funny

A brick and a blanket are the perfect symbols for the superhero Captain Dense. ↗

— Nicole McKay

#brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny #humor

Pleased to meet you," Tellin says, shaking me out of my reverie. "Lily told me much about you last weekend." "Funny." Quince throws me a questioning glance. "She didn't mention you at all. ↗

— Tera Lynn Childs

#fins-are-forever #lily #lily-sanderson #mer-people #mermaid

He'd given her the mother of all hangovers - a run-in with the wrath of grapes. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#funny #kresley-cole #funny

He had lost Will Herondale. And he did not know if he could ever get him back. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#will-herondale #will-herondale

First bubble baths. Now Disney parks. You're shattering every creep vampire myth I've ever heard. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#kira #mencheres #myth #vampires #humor

My friend opened a small box which Lestrade had produced. Inside lay a beautiful silver cigarette case monogrammed with Holmes's initials, underneath which ran the words, "With the Respects of Scotland Yard, November 1888." Sherlock Holmes sat with his lips parted, but no sound emerged. "Thank you," he managed at length. ↗

— Lyndsay Faye

#lestrade #pride #sherlock-holmes #beauty

MRS. RASKINS: Slow dancing isn't about moving. It’s about body heat. LUKE: Was slow dancing invented to cure hypothermia? MRS. RASKINS: No, hypothermia was invented to give people an excuse to slow dance. LUKE: So that's what they did on polar expeditions. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #hypothermia #funny

I explained that I'd been homeschooled but that didn't help. She must have been picturing cavemenlike supervillians in capes grunting and showing me how to rub two sticks together to make the pretty fire stuff. ↗

— Chelsea M. Campbell

#superhero #villain #funny

Tanned, toned, curves in the right places and that small waist…lips, hair, eyes all packaged up like a siren. If she’s a siren, I heard her call, and I’m diving in hook, line, and sinker. - Drew Donovan ↗

— Kailin Gow

#college #donovan-brothers #drew-donovan #kailin-gow #loving-summer