#he

There’s a name for devout people who worship reverence. Heretics. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #heretics #humor #funny

She'll soon forget." "Caddy," said Saffron impatiently, "she is headmistress of the private school! She's probably never forgotten anything in her whole life! ↗

— Hilary McKay

#funny #teachers #family

I wouldna cross the road to see a scrawny woman if she was stark naked and dripping wet. ~Jamie Fraser ↗

— Diana Gabaldon

#funny #jamie-fraser #outlander #scotland #skinny

Ish #303 "It's a street food vendor! Stop asking for the health score rating. ↗

— Regina Griffin

#funny-as-hell #funny-quotes #humor #food

Who's stupid now, Jimbo?! ↗

— April Henry

#character-quote #funny-as-hell #gun-point #humor #funny

Given a choice between goose egg and heartache, I would choose heartache. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#funny #goose-egg #heartache #life-lessons #funny

"Joss" "What?" "What?" Dylan asked back. "You just said my name." "No I didn't" "Sorry that was me." I sat up, banging my head on the roof. "Who is that?" "Hey, stay down here where the air is good, okay?" Dylan pulled me gently back down. "Hows your head?" "Not good, I think." "Um, okay, so you here me. Heather's right, you do think loud. I mean, I've never heard you before, but my Talent seems to be a lot more selective than her's. But now that she's got me turned in to you-" "Who are you?" "It's still me, Marshall. It's Dylan. I'm right here." "My name's Joel." "Joel?" "Joss, what are you talking about?" He took my face in his hands. "Who's Joel?" "The voice in my head, I guess." "Jesus. ↗

— Susan Bischoff

#chronicles #curfew #funny #heroes #susan

I've got a sense of self-preservation. OK, granted , it's still in the original shrink wrap but I've got one if I ever want to use it. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #funny

I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cops #funny #humor #mustache #police

A physician is not angry at the intemperance of a mad patient, nor does he take it ill to be railed at by a man in fever. Just so should a wise man treat all mankind, as a physician does his patient, and look upon them only as sick and extravagant. ↗

— Lucius Annaeus Seneca

#does #extravagant #fever #his #ill