#harvard

After getting dressed, I looked in the mirror. Staring back was a sallowcheeked girl with long, dark hair, pale skin and dark eyes. Just kidding! That would be so scary. Staring back was me. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#harvard-lampoon #nightlight #parody #twilight #funny

He was muscular, like a man who could pin you up against the wall as easily as a poster, yet lean, like a man who would rather cradle you in his arms. He had reddish, blonde-brown hair that was groomed heterosexually. He looked older than the other boys in the room—maybe not as old as God or my father, but certainly a viable replacement. Imagine if you took every woman’s idea of a hot guy and averaged it out into one man. This was that man. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #imagination

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#harvard #humor #innuendo #naughty #yale

No,” said the figure. “You seriously don’t recognize me?” I looked at him closely: the pale face, the cape, the red eyes, the ridiculously large fangs. I couldn’t place him. “Um, do I know you from work?” I strained to remember if he was one of my co-workers. I strained to remember if I had a job. “Goodness gravy, Belle—I sit next to you everyday in English!” “I’m sorry—every face at school kind of blends into one conglomerate dull face except for the face of Edwart Mullen, the love of my life. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #life

Then I had another one of my well-researched epiphanies. His constant use of Purell, his love of video games, his lack of friends, planet gazing, and flail-run. “You’re a zombie,” I gasped. “No. I’m not,” he said. I went back to the vampire theory. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #vampires #zombies

I knew my dad would insist on carrying my twelve bags into the house all by himself, so I ran ahead to my room. It looked familiar. Four walls and a ceiling, just like my old room in Phoenix! Leave it to my dad to find little ways to make me feel at home. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #home

We trekked onwards until the road came to an abrupt stop in the middle of a field. A car rambled up, stopped, and made a twelve-point turn. I skipped to the middle of the field and continued skipping around and around. Never had I felt freer. Never had I belted The Sound of Music louder. It was beautiful. There were glorious weeds everywhere, and those yellow flowers that when you blow on them disappear into white flakes. It was magical. And yet, it looked strangely familiar. “Is this my backyard?” I asked. Edwart stood, leaning against a tree in the woods bordering the meadow. “No, Belle. We’re at least five minutes from your house. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #beauty

When I was teaching at Harvard in the 1970s, I went to Project Incorporated in Cambridge and took photography classes. I didn't even know how to aim the camera in those days. ↗

— Ann Beattie

#cambridge #camera #classes #days #even

I'd rather entrust the government of the United States to the first 400 people listed in the Boston telephone directory than to the faculty of Harvard University. ↗

— William F. Buckley, Jr.

#directory #entrust #faculty #first #government

I'm not impressed by people's degrees. Harvard doesn't impress me, Yale doesn't impress me, Columbia doesn't impress me. ↗

— Sean Hannity

#degrees #harvard #i #impress #impressed