#harry

The poor things keep calling in those – those pumbles, I think they're called – you know, the ones who mend pipes and things – " "Plumbers?" " – exactly, yes, but of course they're flummoxed. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #plumber #weasley #humor

Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #laughter #humor

Hell's bells, irony blows. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #irony #humor

Put some clothes on, you weird, yellow-eyed, table-dancing, werewolf-training, cryptic, stare-me-right-in-the-eyes-and-don't-even-blink wench. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #women #humor

See? This is why I'm not religious. I couldn't possibly keep my mouth shut long enough to get along with everyone else. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #religion #humor

Heroism doesn't pay very well. I try to be cold-blooded and money-oriented, but I keep screwing it up. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#heroism #humor #humor

I'm dying!" Malfoy yelled, as the class panicked. "I'm dying, look at me! It's killed me! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #malfoy #humor

“Beds empty! No note! Car gone — could have crashed — out of my mind with worry — did you care? — never, as long as I’ve lived — you wait until your father gets home, we never had trouble like this from Bill or Charlie or Percy —" "Perfect Percy,” muttered Fred. “YOU COULD DO WITH TAKING A LEAF OUT OF PERCY’S BOOK!” yelled Mrs. Weasley, prodding a finger in Fred’s chest. “You could have died, you could have been seen, you could have lost your father his job —” It seemed to go on for hours. Mrs. Weasley had shouted herself hoarse before she turned on Harry, who backed away. “I’m very pleased to see you, Harry, dear,” she said. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #humor

A succubus on the set. Strike that, the health-conscious kid sister made it two… succubuses. Succubusees? Succubi? Stupid Latin correspondence course. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #lara-raith #humor

Nobody can be bad at everything. There’s no such thing as a perfect screwup. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor