#gen

I think guns are just a symbolic substitute for male genitalia, and I’m okay in that respect.” “Fine. If they get in the house, you can whack them with your genitals. ↗

— J.A. Konrath

#genitalia #guns #funny

We are racing down Main Street. Arthur is right on the tail of a blck sedan with tinted windows that won't pull over. He slams the horn. "Arthur," I say. The car doesn't yield. "Arthur," I say. He hits the horn again, still close on the car's bummper. "Arthur, our turn was back there. ↗

— Peter Canning

#ems #funny #humor #medical #funny

I am not sure I trust you." "You can trust me with your life, My King." "But not with my wine, obviously. Give it back. ↗

— Megan Whalen Turner

#humor #wine #humor

Hate. Huh. He'd never hated himself. If anything, he'd always liked himself a little too much. Once, a human female had even accused him of picturing his own face while he climaxed. He hadn't denied it, either, and next time he'd slept with her, he'd made sure to scream, "Strider" at the pivotal moment." --Strider, keeper of the demon of Defeat-- ↗

— Gena Showalter

#demon #ego #gena-showalter #humor #romance

What about this? A colony of nothing but Battle School grads. If they bred true, they'd be the smartest military minds in the galaxy. Then they'd come home and take over Earth. OK, not that. -Peter ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#colonization #genius-children #peter-wiggin #home

It is not true that everyone is special. It is true that everyone was once special and still possesses the ability to recover it. ↗

— Criss Jami

#adulthood #blunt #finding-yourself #genius #honest

If what we think of ourselves were true, the planet would overflow with geniuses. ↗

— Dejan Stojanovic

#dejan-stojanovic #geniuses #literature #literature-quotes #ourselves

(Sebastian) "See, there you go. You're always looking at me like that." "Like what?" "Like I burn down animal shelters for fun and light my cigarettes with orphans. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #jonathan-morgenstern #lol #sebastian #clary-fray

Often people that tell others they are "extremely polite" when the situation calls for tact and bluntness are not actually polite people. Instead, they hide behind the word “polite” because they have low self esteem or hidden agendas. Sadly, they impolitely confuse the hell out of everyone, send mixed signals, which then makes people question their sanity and motives.

— Shannon L. Alder

#anxiety #bluntness #fear #games #honesty

Out of the way! We are in the throes of an exceptional emergency! This is no occassion for sport- there is lace at stake!" (Ms. Pole) ↗

— Elizabeth Gaskell

#humor #lace #wardrobe #humor