#gag

My price is five dollars for a miniature on ivory, and I have engaged three or four at that price. My price for profiles is one dollar, and everybody is willing to engage me at that price. ↗

— Samuel Morse

#dollars #engage #engaged #everybody #five

Step by step, place became property, property became a mortgage, and mortgages became derivative investments. ↗

— Douglas Rushkoff

#life

People are here because they've got baggage. I'm talking curbside-check-in, pay-the-fine-'cause-it's-over-fifty-pounds kind of baggage. Get it? ↗

— Lauren Kate

#humor #humor

LADY BRACKNELL To speak frankly, I am not in favour of long engagements. They give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which I think is never advisable. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#engagement #humor #marriage #relationships #humor

I looked down at the brochure nearest me."We're going to Nigeria," I threatened. "I hope you like elephant polo." -Liberty Jones ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #liberty #sugar-daddy #humor

It was told to me, it was in a manner forced on me by the very person herself whose prior engagement ruined all my prospects, and told me, as I thought, with triumph. This person's suspicions, therefore, I have had to oppose by endeavouring to appear indifferent where I have been most deeply interested; and it has not been only once; I have had her hopes and exultations to listen to again and again. I have known myself to be divided from Edward forever, without hearing one circumstance that could make me less desire the connection. Nothing has proved him unworthy; nor has anything declared him indifferent to me. I have had to content against the unkindness of his sister and the insolence of his mother, and have suffered the punishment of an attachment without enjoying its advantages. And all this has been going on at the time when, as you too well know, it has not been my only unhappiness. If you can think me capable of ever feeling, surely you may suppose that I have suffered now. ↗

— Jane Austen

#engagement #love #relationships #suffering #love

It was like watching an angsty hormone-fueled train wreck and firmly cemented my resolve to be at least twenty-five before I considered getting hitched. ↗

— Stacey Jay

#funny #funny

Mortgages are the best way to get people thinking about the afterlife. Corporate realty is an eternal corporeality. ↗

— Bauvard

#heaven #humor #mortgages #real-estate #funny

We all know whose side you're on," marshall says, picking him up and launching him toward the window. The explosive sound of glass shattering fills the room. The walls tremble from the sheer heft of his violent exit. "What the hell?" Barron rushes in with a needle at the ready. "I've removed your son from the premises per Skyla's wishes. ↗

— Addison Moore

#lol #marshall #toxic #lol

Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body. ↗

— Lady Gaga

#dead #house #humor #lady-gaga #love