#funny

I sometimes lie awake at night trying to think of something funny that Richard Nixon said. ↗

— Lyn Nofziger

#funny #i #lie #night #nixon

Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion. ↗

— George Orwell

#custard pie #dirty #every #funny #joke

Shigure Sohma: So anyway I was wondering if you could stop by the house and take a look at Tohru's cut. That is if it isn't a problem. Hatori Sohma: No problem. I'll stop by the house this evening. Shigure Sohma: Hmmm What's this Hatori I don't think I ever heard you sound so eager to come over. Could it be you have a secret crush on Tohru [long silence from the other end of the phone] Shigure Sohma: [shouts] I knew it You naughty naughty man you Hatori Sohma: No I was simply too amazed by your stupidity to say anything. ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#dog #dragon #fruits-basket #funny #hatori

Carnal love: a practical man’s love. A love you can see, touch, and taste if you’re kinky. If you can’t hear it, you’re probably better suited to its more abstract form. ↗

— Bauvard

#love #practicality #sensuality #funny

I am my own love story. And I want to tell my love story, from the inside. Just add water and stir. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #funny

Girls, on the other hand, have always come easy. I don't know why that is, exactly. Maybe it's the outsider vibe and a well-placed brooding look. Maybe it's something I think I see sometimes in the mirror, something that reminds me of my father. Or maybe I'm just damn easy on the eyes. ↗

— Kendare Blake

#anna-dressed-in-blood #attraction #cas #cassio #funny

Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. "How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again? ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#sarcasm #funny

That's why 'Gangnam Style' works. If someone handsome uses that phrase it's just awkward. But if someone like me uses it, it's funny. ↗

— PSY

#funny #handsome #just #like #me

Manchee comes outta the bushes and sits down next to me cuz I’ve stopped right there in the middle of a trail. He looks around to see what I might be seeing and then he says, ”Good poo, Todd.” ”I’m sure it was, Manchee.” I’d better not get another ruddy dog when my birthday comes. What I want this year is a hunting knife like the one Ben carries on the back of his belt. Now that’s a present for a man. “Poo,” Manchee’s says quietly. ↗

— Patrick Ness

#manchee #poo #funny

It's funny what a few no-hitters do for a body. ↗

— Satchel Paige

#few #funny