#funny

I always carry a spoon in my pocket. You know, just in case it rains.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #pocket #preparation #prepared #rain

Boy, you knock on the devil's door and he will head slam you through the wall. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#funny #funny

Use condoms; it’s wise not to gamble with your children's future. ↗

— Bauvard

#contraception #funny #humor #funny

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #future #humor #love #lust

Zebrowski says that if you killed someone else just hide the body, he's not starting over on the paperwork. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#bad-ass #funny #dreams

Because there's no way on earth she's going to make it through college unless she grows some serious ovaries and turns this train wreck around ↗

— Lisa McMann

#humor #lisa-mcmann #wake #dreams

I didn’t feel like buying him the jacket he asked for for Christmas, so I just got him a coat hanger with a sticky note attached that read, “Here’s something for you to hang your dreams on, pal. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #dreams

I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway. ↗

— Michael Summers

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline. ↗

— Michael Summers

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

But you see, a rich country like America can perhaps afford to be stupid. ↗

— Barack Obama

#irony #irrelevant-nowadays #dreams