#funny

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #funny




Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.


Jarod Kintz


#doctor #funny #funny-quotes #humor #humor-quotes

If I spent ten years in prison, I’d probably come to value the small things in life. Things like good food, a comfy bed, and a toothbrush sharpened into a shank.


Jarod Kintz


#prison #food

I love readings and my readers, but the din of voices of the audience gives me stage fright, and the din of voices inside whisper that I am a fraud, and that the jig is up. Surely someone will rise up from the audience and say out loud that not only am I not funny and helpful, but I'm annoying, and a phony.


Anne Lamott


#annoying #audience #din #fraud #fright

Love walked in the door like a dusty cowboy, and I looked that cowboy dead in his eyes and said, “I thought I shot you.” And his eyes never blinked, wavered, or watered as he said, “You did. You shot me in the leg. But you can’t kill love that easily. And today you’re going to learn how deadly Love can be.” That was over four years ago, and I’m still alive. So that was his plan all along, to serve me up a super slow death. Sort of like torture, only imperceptible and more pleasant.


Jarod Kintz


#cowboy #funny #humor #love #age

I was rubbing the pieces of bacon like they were strands of a lover’s hair. Of course they weren’t, because all my exes had hair like scrambled eggs.


Jarod Kintz


#bacon #funny #humor #love #surreal

Silas consumed only one food, and it was not bananas.


Neil Gaiman


#blood #book #fantasy #food #funny

Caroline, do you value your neck?" "Yes, I'm rather fond of it. Why?" "Because if you don't shut up, I'm going to wring it.


Julia Quinn


#funny

I like to schedule dentist appointments for March 32, otherwise known as April Fool’s Day.


Jarod Kintz


#dentist #funny #humor #funny

Can I see some ID?" "WE DON'T HAVE ID," said Jay, loudly. "'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN. WE DON'T USE ID...THERE. AND THAT'S WHY WE LOOK SO YOUNG. 'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN." Doug stiffened. Jay sounded crazy. Doug tried looking extra sane to even things out.


Adam Rex


#canadian #crazy #funny #sane #age

We went through all the scenes and they became kind of funny and they expanded a little bit and because it seemed to be working so well in the movie, they added a couple of things later on in the movie and that's how it turned out.


Eugene Levy


#became #because #bit #couple #expanded