#funny

If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase. ↗

— George Carlin

#funny #humor #peace #funny

I like wearing a blindfold while watching movies, so that I can focus on the dialogue. My favorite flicks are the silent movies. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dialogue #funny #movies #funny

There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off. ↗

— Doug Coupland

#being #cheap #cure #funny #lovable

Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#funny #sarcastic #funny

I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the mashed potatoes in my pocket.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dancing #funny #greed #greedy #humor

Wouldn't have pegged you for a dancer," he spoke to my mind "Funny, I would have pegged you for a stalker," I shot back. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#nora #funny

Selfishness is a bad habit. That’s why I always rationally think through my decisions to act without regard for others. ↗

— Bauvard

#habit #rationality #selfishness #funny

They didn't know why these things were funny. Sometimes you laugh because you've got no more room for crying. Sometimes you laugh because table manners on a beach are funny. And sometimes you laugh because you're alive, when you really shouldn't be. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny

Love leads people to become lost in their own feelings and ignore the world, so it’s no surprise their love for the world goes unrequited. ↗

— Bauvard

#love #unrequited-love #funny

Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!).
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#garden #humor #romance #romantic #roses