#funny

You really think love needs to have a future?” “Absolutely.” “Good,” Lily said. “So do I.” “Good,” I echoed, leaning in. “So do you.” “Don’t repeat what I say,” she told me, swatting at my arm. “Don’t repeat what I say,” I murmured, smiling. “You’re being silly,” she said, but the silliness was falling out of her voice. “You’re being silly,” I assured her. “Lily is the greatest girl who ever was.” I drew closer. “Lily is the greatest girl who ever was.” For a moment, I think we’d forgotten where we were. And then the officers returned, and we were reminded once again. ↗

— David Levithan

#romantic #swoony #funny

One's 'thing'--(1) A point of personal interest; a hobby, sport, or avocation that succinctly defines a person. (2) A brief coupling of words used to evoke someone's personality in a small-talk setting: Billy's thing used to be soccer; now it's masterbation. (3) A laconic summation of one's character and interests used for the purpose of categorization and judgement. See also 'What do you do? ↗

— Joshua Braff

#funny #funny

Sweet Jesus! Sweet, sweet Jesus!” Mom called to the Savior, caught up in the divine intervention that was Hank and me. I narrowed my eyes at her. “Stop cal ing Jesus, Mom. Hank’s gonna think you’re weird,” I snapped. “She is weird,” Dad said. “I’m not weird,” Mom returned. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#funny

The idlest minds are those that inhabit the busiest bodies. The busiest minds are those that inhabit mental hospitals. Love is what occurs in that order. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #insanity #love #funny

I obey the laws of physics in private. I burn the principles of mathematics in public. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #math #physics #funny

The Greek myths are a bit outdated, but not as much as the distant galaxies they remind me of whenever I look up at night. The historical and the scientific – two different aspects of the overactive imagination that fit together nicely in space. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #history #humor #imagination #myths

I had no idea what time it was, but I felt boneless and it would take an act of God to get me out of this bed. Or chocolate. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#funny #j-lynn #jennifer-l-armentrout #wait-for-you #funny

All I can do is look at him. Up close, I get a better view; there's no denying the fact he is really, really good-looking, in this rakish, edgy, badass, I-just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-screw-you-I-don't-need-a-mirror kind of way. ↗

— Hannah Harrington

#funny

A tailor walks into a lawyer, and the bar says, "I like your suit." And the tailor replies, "This morning I spotted a non-sequitur detective. Don't worry, he didn't follow me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #surreal #funny

A blanket could be drenched in water, frozen, and then enjoyed like a giant cotton popsicle by prisoners of a gulag, who might consider this a tasty treat compared to what they normally eat. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange