#funny

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #funny




I've often wondered what makes a relationship last. I guess the best answer is it's the one right after the next to the last one.


Jarod Kintz


#best #funny #humor #relationships #wonder

I can't believe he didn't have the dignity and presence of mind just to get drunk and pass out in some gutter," said Jace. "I must say, I'm disappointed in the little fellow.


Cassandra Clare


#humor #funny

My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk.


Jarod Kintz


#birthday #dog #dogs #funny #girlfriend

Is that a stake, Bones, or are you just happy with my new dress?” “In this case, it’s a stake. You could always feel around for something more, though. See what comes up.


Jeaniene Frost


#cat #funny #grave #halfway #funny

I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I'll overhear people say things like, "At least he's not a complete boob.


Jarod Kintz


#boob #costume #funny #humor #idiot

Which way did they go, Peeves?" Filch was saying. "Quick, tell me." "Say 'please.'" "Don't mess with me, Peeves, now where did they go?" "Shan't say nothing if you don't say please," said Peeves in his annoying singsong voice. "All right- PLEASE." "NOTHING! Ha haaa! Told you I wouldn't say nothing if you didn't say please! Ha ha! Haaaaaa!" And they heard the sound of Peeves whooshing away and Filch cursing in rage.


J.K. Rowling


#funny #harry-potter #humor #peeves #please

Here's a haiku/palindrome I wrote called, "Obsession." Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob


Jarod Kintz


#funny #haiku #obsession #palindrome #poetry

How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on an uncharted planet? My eyeballs could've been sucked from their sockets!


Cathy East Dubowski


#eyeballs #funny #space #funny

My friend "M" says the irony of being a zombie is that everything is funny, but you can't smile, because your lips have rotted off.


Isaac Marion


#zombies #funny

Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.


Ellen DeGeneres


#humor #inspirational #funny