#funny

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? ↗

— Jerry Seinfeld

#funny #funny

Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs. ↗

— Alfred Hitchcock

#back #belongs #brought #home #into

My mother was a terrific force in my life. Wartime-generation woman, hadn't gone to university but should have done. Was very funny, very verbal, very clever, very witty. ↗

— Ian Hislop

#done #force #funny #gone #hadn

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. ↗

— Albert Einstein

#funny

you have to be the prude or the slut, and if you pick one, other people hate you for it, and you can’t trust anyone anymore, because they’re all after the same thing, and you see that you can never go back to how was before… ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#it-s-kind-of-a-funny-story #judgement #teenagers #truth #funny

I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here. ↗

— Lauren Myracle

#home #life #funny

Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed! ↗

— Hergé

#funny #tintin #funny

If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out. ↗

— Lawrence Ferlinghetti

#cynical #funny #humour #funny

Right. So no plans at all then?" Jenna frowned. "Other than rocking in the fetal position for a while?" "Yeah, I was thinking about taking one of those showers where you huddle in the corner fully clothed and cry," Archer offered. ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#archer-cross #funny #hex-hall #ideas #jenna

If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat my own clothes. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#logical #mother #ranger #writers #funny