#funny

I am a candid interview and I have a dark and dry sense of humor - a very Canadian sense of humor and I am only learning now stupidly that you can't read tongue. When I say something funny in a newspaper and I meant it to be funny, it doesn't read that way. ↗

— Michael Buble

#canadian #candid #dark #dry #funny

If history teaches us anything, it’s that governments are always right, and they always do what’s in the best interest of the people, even at the expense of their own political agenda. In every situation, the answer is always more government and more regulation. If there are six billion people in the world, then all six billion should work for the government. More, if we could. And there should be at least twice as many laws as there are people in the world. And with more laws means more lawyers, so it’s a double benefit. It’s a win-win for both the government and the citizens, which of course there won’t be because in this utopian dream there are no citizens, there is only the government. The best part is the taxes will be super high, but they’re paid in full by the printing presses of the Geodesic Dome Society. Full benefits, zero unemployment, no chance of being fired, and a world so efficient it would make Rube Goldberg look like Fred Taylor or Henry Ford. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #governments #history #sarcastic #dreams

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ↗

— George Burns

#another #caring #city #family #happiness

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. ↗

— George Burns

#boy #dead #i #only #sea

Nine out of 10 times these guys will hit it-they'll be on something incredibly funny, but one out of 10, two out of 10, they'll fall flat on their faces. That's what makes them great actors: they take those chances, they don't play it safe. ↗

— Peter Farrelly

#faces #fall #flat #funny #great

They're great girls. They're very funny, they're very smart, they're fun to be with. They're very lively, as I think people can tell. And you know, they're very confident girls. ↗

— Laura Bush

#fun #funny #great #i #i think

I was lucky. My family is wonderful. And it's funny, because most of my best friends come from very large families. So it always felt as if I had lots of siblings, though in the end I had to leave them and go home. I kind of got the best of both worlds as a kid. ↗

— Sophia Bush

#because #best #both #come #end

The British are so funny. It's like they can't believe I lived in Hackney. 'You could live in Bondi Beach. Why would you want to live in 'Ackney?' But Hackney's fantastic. I'm serious. There are so many artists there. I loved the markets, the parks, the pubs, the diversity. It was a cultural melting-pot. ↗

— Rose Byrne

#beach #believe #british #could #cultural

One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute. ↗

— William Feather

#about #another #astute #both #buys

Before, I guess, mum and dad were everything, but now, in my case, I had two new girls and all of a sudden they're completely dependent on you and there's a third generation. It's a funny shift all of a sudden. You have the babies, you have yourself and then you have your parents. ↗

— Roger Federer

#before #case #completely #dad #dependent