#funny

Peter was not with them for the moment, and they felt rather lonely up there by themselves. He could go so much faster than they that he would suddenly shoot out of sight, to have some adventure in which they had no share. He would come down laughing over something fearfully funny he had been saying to a star, but he had already forgotten what it was, or he would come up with mermaid scales still sticking to him, and yet not be able to to say for certain what had been happening. It was really rather irritating to children who had never seen a mermaid. ↗

— J.M. Barrie

#flying #laughter #mermaid #neverland #peter-pan

No such word as can't. No such word as babagoozle neither! ↗

— Charlie Higson

#funny

Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck chlamydia? ↗

— Sarah Mlynowski

#sarah-mlynowski #std #ten-things-we-did #funny

I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release. ↗

— Joaquin Phoenix

#discomfort #experience #funny #getting #horrible

Will you quit shouting and let me bleed in peace! ↗

— Ransom Riggs

#humor #funny

You know who DOES have a funny bone in her body? Your Mom every night for a dollar! ↗

— Tina Fey

#funny

You've read half the books in this house? This whole house?" "Well, approximately half." Sticky said. "To be more accurate, I suppose I've read more like" - his eyes went up as he calculated - "three sevenths? Yes, three sevenths." "Only three sevenths?" said Kate, pretending to look disappointed. "And here I was prepared to be impressed. ↗

— Trenton Lee Stewart

#funny #reading #sarcasm #funny

Jared told her he used to be an exotic dancer in San Francisco.' 'My body is a gift from God,' Jared said gravely. 'Except for my hips, which are clearly a gift from the devil. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#humor #funny

I flipped the good doctor the bird. Snorting, Gideon caught my hand and pulled me back down the hall. "What is it with you and giving people the finger?" "What? It's a classic. ↗

— Sylvia Day

#funny #gideon-cross #humor #funny