#expect

A pair of bricks, when affixed to the bottom of a lady’s shoes, makes an affordable and utilitarian set of platform shoes. That’s the sort of platform that I’d like to run for political office on.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket could be used as a cape. But why would I do that? I’m trying to keep my super powers secret, and a cape’s like a cloth billboard advertising to all the people that need help that I’m the man to assist them—and even worse is that fact that a cape confirms—conforms, really—to the notion that I’m willing to perform miracles for free. And that’s simply not the case. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket could be used as a dialogue filter, a speaking partition, with the blanket hanging on a clothes line and two people engaged in conversation—one on each side of the blanket. The blanket will serve as a method of purification and a way to make the words more fluid. When you’re trying to talk through a blanket, you’re going to choose words that are precise, piercing, and clearly enunciated. Also, having a blanket block the view of the person you’re conversing with will eliminate body language, forcing you to crystallize your sentences into strings of diamonds. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Bricks could be used to make shoes out of. Just as brick houses are better than wooden houses, so too would brick shoes be better than wooden shoes. Just ask the Dutch. I’m sure they’d be lining up to buy my new line of brick running shoes. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket is a sanctuary, a place where a man can enjoy his banana in peace. I laid a few grapes on grandma’s headstone, and I remembered her as she was, when she first died. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick would make a great lead character in an urban drama, because with 12 edges, a brick would be the edgiest character on TV by two sides.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick is a good object to hide a house key under. No burglar will be able to get to your key, especially if you hide it under the first brick the mason’s lay when constructing your house. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be substituted in for Rhode Island as a US state, because they’re roughly the same size, the have the same population (the brick may have one less person), and Grandma Kintz makes the best Excuse Soup in the entire state.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used as a Disappointment Cube. Here, I’m giving mine to you, because you really bummed me out, man.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be licked, like a cat’s asshole. But obviously inversed, because your tongue is soft and the brick is rough.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny