#ex

Guns, she was reminded then, were not for girls. They were for boys. They were invented by boys. They were invented by boys who had never gotten over their disappointment that accompanying their own orgasm there wasn't a big boom sound. ↗

— Lorrie Moore

#humor #men #sex #humor

Oh, for God's sake," I said. "Just give me the stupid thing." I took the panic button and stuck it into my Super Sexy Miracle Bra. "GPS," Ranger said to Morelli. "Probably I can find her breast without it," Morelli said. "But it's good to know there's a navigational system on board if I need it. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#navigational-devices #sexy #humor

Alone-sex didn't count. It's like the difference between thinking to yourself or having a good conversation with someone----the pleasure is in the exchange." -Liberty Jones ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#liberty-jones #sex #sugar-daddy #humor

Ain't No Drama Like Bedroom Drama ↗

— Renata D. Johnson

#friendships #humor #love #relationships #sex

He found Luciana sitting alone at a table in the Allied officers' night club, where the drunken Anzac major who had brought her there had been stupid enough to desert her for the ribald company of some singing comrades at the bar. "All right, I'll dance with you," she said, before Yossarian could even speak. "But I won't let you sleep with me." "Who asked you?" Yossarian asked her. "You don't want to sleep with me?" she exclaimed with surprise. "I don't want to dance with you. ↗

— Joseph Heller

#sex #women #humor

People who could easily be mistaken as preteens just shouldn’t even try to pull off the look-at-me-I’m-so-serious-and-mysterious-and-sexy look. Especially while driving because, please, you look like you are twelve and a half and driving with a serious look. Most kids who get the opportunity to drive illegally are smiling so big that they look dyslexic and about to piss their pants with excitement because they are in operation of a vehicle that isn’t manufactured by PlayStation. ↗

— Chase Brooks

#humor #playstation #preteens #sexy #humor

My hobby is extreme Catholic behavior -- BEFORE the Reformation. ↗

— John Waters

#catholic #eccentric #extreme #humor #john-waters

When I was a boy, I naively thought that this thing called happiness would be something I would wake up to find every day once I could smoke, drink and fornicate. ↗

— Jeffrey Bernard

#happiness #humor #sex #smoking #humor

Cara waggled a hand over the two of them. "It works better with your clothes off." Richard frowned. His voice came as a hoarse croak. "What?" She seemed mystified by the question. "I believe you will find such things work better without clothes." She put her hands to her hips. "I thought you would know at least that much. ↗

— Terry Goodkind

#clothes #humor #kahlan #richard #sex

We can’t make love out here. It’s freezing!” Maryanne cried. A boyishly beseeching look lit up his eyes. “We would heat up quickly.” “It’s fine for you,” she protested. “You only need one part of your body, and you’ll be sliding that into warmth. ↗

— Sharon Page

#outdoor #sex #humor