#erection

Renaldo once made a sex tape, and even fully erect, he still had to shoot it four times just to get some "footage. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fiction #funny #humor #movies #sex

One of the side effects of Viagra is blurred vision. Sounds great! When I’m taking a pill to pop a stiffy, how great is it that any woman I look at has blurred features and therefore is as beautiful as an impressionistic painting?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#beautiful #blurred-vision #drugs #erection #hard-on

It’s hard to type with gloves on. It’s also hard to type with just an erection. It’s basically like typing with one finger, and in my case, a pinky. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #penis #typing #change

My erection at noon causes an elongated shadow so black you’d think I was an albino. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#albino #erection #funny #humor #noon

A teen boy's wet dream, right here, right in front of him. Elliott closed his eyes, trying to reason with his raging erection, which argued, Come on, come on, it's been fifty years. ↗

— Joss Ware

#raging-erection #sex #dreams

I shall sustain a massive erection, that’s what, and I shan’t be answerable for the consequences. Some kind of ejaculation is almost bound to ensue and if either of you were to become pregnant I should never forgive myself. ↗

— Stephen Fry

#erection #healey #humor #massive #pregnant

If sharks really can smell blood, then I’d imagine they’re all salivating over my erection right now. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #shark #funny

The smell would have given me an erection if I'd still had testicles. ↗

— Garth Stein

#art

I am one pair of roses away from the grave,” I told the midget with the twelve-inch erection. It wasn’t his—he was just holding it for a friend (that impressive penis belonged to a much taller man). Ah, but that’s life, no?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #erection #grave #life #midget

Your pants are unseasonably bitch. I beg your pardon. Excuse me, madam, but you are sitting on my erection. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#erection #funny #funny