#era

This shit is easy peasy, pumpkin peasy, pumpkin pie, muthafucka! ↗

— Gerard Way

#gerardway #peasy #pie #pumpkins #funny

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#considerate #funny #humor #jarod-kintz #mail

I want to be a creature that’s half bee, half the letter B. That way I can pollinate the world with my literacy. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#letter-b #literacy #world #funny

Comics are a gateway drug to literacy. ↗

— Art Spiegelman

#inspirational #literacy #art

Did you really just invite Adrian to your room later?" asked Lissa. Avery shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. Sometimes we hang out once you guys are all tucked into bed. You aren't going to get jealous, are you?" "No," laughed Lissa. "Just curious. Adrian's a good guy." "Oh?" asked Christian. "Define 'good'." Avery held up her hand and began ticking items off with each finger. "He's devastatingly handsome, funny, rich, related to the queen..." "You got your wedding colors picked out?" asked Lissa, still laughing. "Not yet," said Avery. "I'm still testing the waters. I figured he'd be an easy notch on the Avery Lazar belt, but he's kind of hard to read." "I really don't want to be hearing this," Christian said. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#christian-ozera #lissa-dragomir #funny

I don't-" I shake my head. (...) "What? What were you going to say?" This is another trick of shrinks. They never let you stop in midthought. If you open your mouth, they want to know exactly what you had the intention of saying. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#sadness #suicide #therapy #funny

Deliverance is about what I went through the first time. And I chalk it up as a learning experience. ↗

— Bubba Sparxxx

#chalk #deliverance #experience #first #first time

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy. ↗

— Johnny Carson

#entertainment #funny #hollywood #humor #insanity

He did not go much further, but sat down on the cold floor and gave himself up to complete miserableness, for a long while. He thought of himself frying bacon and eggs in his own kitchen at home - for he could feel inside that it was high time for some meal or other; but that only made him miserabler. ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#funny #miserabler #tolkien #funny

Zombies, deadheads, corpsicles. What's the difference? They don't care. They don't have feelings to hurt. ↗

— Daniel Waters

#funny-yet-mean #generation-dead #funny