#er

When the gap between the rich and the poor is so huge that you can’t help pointing it out – that’s when you risk being labeled a pervert. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #inequality #perversion #funny

He laughs. "Put some clothes on so you don't scare poor Kiara with your morning hard-on." I look down at my shorts. Sure enough, I've got la tengo dura in front of Kiara and Tuck. Shit. I reach out for the first thing I can grab and put it in front of me to shield myself from view. It happens to be one of Kiara's stuffed animals, but I don't have much choice right now. "That's Kiara's Mojo," Tuck says, laughing. "Get it? Mojo? ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#carlos-fuentes #funny #kiara #kiara-westford #perfect-chemistry

As we come to grips with our own selfishness and stupidity, we make friends with the impostor and accept that we are impoverished and broken and realize that, if we were not, we would be God. The art of gentleness toward ourselves leads to being gentle with others -- and is a natural prerequisite for our presence to God in prayer. ↗

— Brennan Manning

#faith #feelings #gentleness #impostor #prayer

You are evidence of your mother's strength, especially if you are a rebellious knucklehead and regardless she has always maintained her sanity. ↗

— Criss Jami

#cute #difficulties #disobedience #evidence #funny

If you don't want me to be in love with you, you're going to have looking so lovely. First thing tomorrow, I'm having your maids sewing potato sacks to gether for you. ↗

— Kiera Cass

#maxon #most-adorably-sweet-quotes-ever #funny

He didn't want me to get hurt? Wow. Just wow. I might actually be close to a swoon here ↗

— Jessica Verday

#funny #jessica-verday #the-hollow #funny

Next to coming to a good understanding with a new mistress, I love a quarrel with an old one. ↗

— George Etherege

#good #i #i love #love #mistress

Was it animal pee or human pee? Someone asked. How would I know? What, am I an expert in the study of pee? ↗

— John Green

#humor #paper #pee #towns #funny

If London is a watercolor, New York is an oil painting. ↗

— Peter Shaffer

#new #new york #oil #painting #watercolor

Yesterday, at the company party, I made a joke and everyone laughed and said, “Hey, now there’s the Jarod Kintz we all know and love.” and I smiled, but inside I thought, “Actually, the Jarod Kintz you know and love was my clone, who I had to murder because he kept eating all my leftovers. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clones #funny #humor #laughed #murder