#drunk

I’m a lifeguard at a brewery. When someone falls in a vat, I jump in after them and start gulping. It makes me feel good after letting people drown. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #lifeguards #funny

Friendship isn't partying with a group of people to get drunk or chatting with him/her once a week, it's exactly the opposite. Friends make sure you get home safely and they help you when you need it, no matter the scenario. They don't care about what clothes you wear or what you look like, and they don't last for a day. Real friends are more interested in what direction your life is headed rather than your popularity. They care about what you have to say and how you feel, and once you meet this person you'll know it without having to think twice. ↗

— Morgan Tang

#friends #friendship #home #love #opposites

Well enough,” I reply. “Remember, you’re drunk. And happy. You’re supposed to be lusting over your escort. Try smiling a little more.” Day plasters a giant artificial smile on his face. As charming as ever. “Aw, come on, sweetheart. I thought I was doing a pretty good job. I got my arm around the prettiest escort on this block—how could I not be lusting over you? Don’t I look like I’m lusting? This is me, lusting.” His lashes flutter at me. He looks so ridiculous that I can’t help laughing. Another passerby glances at me. “Much better. ↗

— Marie Lu

#humor #lust #pretending #humor

Young men are apt to think themselves wise enough, as drunken men are apt to think themselves sober enough. ↗

— Lord Chesterfield

#drunken #enough #men #sober #themselves

What white man has ever seen me drunk? Who has ever come to me hungry and left me unfed? Who has seen me beat my wives or abuse my children? What law have I broken? ↗

— Sitting Bull

#beat #broken #children #come #drunk

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on. ↗

— Joe E. Lewis

#floor #holding #holding on #lay #man

I mean, I don't think I'm alone when I look at the homeless person or the bum or the psychotic or the drunk or the drug addict or the criminal and see their baby pictures in my mind's eye. You don't think they were cute like every other baby? ↗

— Dustin Hoffman

#alone #baby #bum #criminal #cute

So they gave me love in form of poison and tiny little pills, programming my emotions, teaching me how to feel. To act correct and talk correct and answer without knowing the question, because that, my dear, is how you get love. Yes that, dear youth, is how you'll be loved. I tried to medicate my own fucked up little mind with chemicals and adrenaline, tasting sweeter every night, shaking louder every time. Sitting wide awake in bed until the world disappears, writing poetry to concentrate on something real while waiting for the love to arrive. I've been looking for it night after night, waiting patiently for it to show up, maybe somewhere in between the state of awake and asleep, alive and not so alive, sober and not so sober. (I lost track of the difference somewhere in between.) ↗

— Charlotte Eriksson

#finding-yourself #love #lucid-dreaming #night #pills

I came in several times and spoke, but perhaps you were asleep when I thought you were awake.' 'You are very considerate to explain it this way,' Sugreeva said, 'but I was drunk ↗

— R.K. Narayan

#funny #ramayana #funny

WHY did she do this? She was a terrible drunk texter. All the things she wanted to say to people during the day came out at night, like a vampire. ↗

— Harriet Evans

#drunken-behaviour #funny #texting #funny