#drink

The poor spend all their free time drinking. It helps cope with the terrible drudgery of obtaining food stamps. An ethic of alcoholism prevails among the upper class too, but they use leisure to deal with it. ↗

— Bauvard

#drinking #food-stamps #funny #humor #leisure

Every sex noise can be converted into a note and frozen in a can of soda. Ask me about menstruation music today! 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#convert #drink #frozen #funny #humor

Guilt is also a way for us to express to others that we are a person of good conscience. 'I feel really guilty about getting drunk last night,' we say, when in actual fact we feel no guilt whatsoever or, at least, we could choose to feel no guilt. When people say to me, 'I drank too much last night,' I always reply, 'I drank exactly the right amount. ↗

— Tom Hodgkinson

#drinking #guilt #freedom

Maybe some folks are alcoholics and others are just voluntary drunks. Maybe some folks drink due to body chemistry and others due to their lazy characters. Maybe some have drinking problems, while others have problems enough to drink. ↗

— George Jones

#drink #drunk #life #problems #life

I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#america #drink #funny #humor #love

Most fools drink after one another, from a thinking cup that is empty. But I only drink after people whose cups are filled with a fluid to fascination ratio of nearly 1:1. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fascination #funny #thinking #funny

Pops: How about you finish this sentence for me, Jason? When a girl says no she means... Justin, looking desperately at me: No? Nana: Are you sure? Justin, shifting uncomfortably: I'm sure. No means no. Nana: Well look at you. You got one right. Now here's another, even tougher sentence for you to finish. Premarital sex is... Me: Nana! I'm so sorry Justin. Nana: Unlike Pops, I'm not moving on. Justin? Pops: His name is Jason. Justin:Uh....uh.... Pops: While you think about that, why don't you tell me how you feel about drinking and driving? Justin: I'm totally against it, I swear! Nana: Methinks he protests too much. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#drinking #funny #justin #zombieland #dating

Dell had left the army and taken the discipline home with him. I’d left the theatre world and taken the whisky sodas home with me. ↗

— Mark Capell

#drink #humour #liquor #home

I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#drunken-behaviour #humor #humor

We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail. ↗

— David Sedaris

#alcohol #drinking #emotion #humor #humor