#do

lying in bed with Johnny Depp sussing out which males are what kind of pet from their clothes. ↗

— Diane Messidoro

#funny #random #funny

A brick can be neither good nor bad. A brick just is. And it isn’t, because I just stole it from you, which is good for me, and bad for you.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used as a stand in for a liar’s face. Go on, punch that liar in his face. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used in place of a diamond on a wedding ring. Your wife's probably going to divorce you and take the house anyway, so you might as well give her the first brick.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be pet, like a dog, and taught to shit in my neighbor's yard.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Brick and Blanket could be the names of two characters in a screenplay full of witty dialogue like:
 Brick: Hello!
 Blanket: Hi!
 Brick: How are you?
 Blanket: Good. You?
 Brick: Good. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I’d seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#haunted-shoe #humor #paranormal-romance #random #richelle-mead

You should have seen the costumes for the last few prom themes: Pimps and their srteet ho's; CEOs and their office ho's; GI Joes and their combat ho's; Gardeners and their garden hose;Firemen and their fire hose... If you ask me, a 'masquerade' theme isn't flattering for anyones features, nor does it define the apppropriate gender roles very clearly. ↗

— The Harvard Lampoon

#funny #ho-s #nightlight #random #funny

Val had a horrific image of Lisa peering through a magnifying glass like a grotesquely teenybopper version of Nancy Drew — in jeggings. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#funny-and-random #humor #funny

I don't think my mum ever understood my love of Doctor Who. Surely her strongest memory would have been me, standing at the top of the stairs, crying about how the "jelly men" were going to get me? Sorry, Mum, for those sleepless nights, but it was with good reason they called it Terror of the Zygons. ↗

— Steve Berry

#doctor-who #funny #humor #tv #youth