#delusional

I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#ambitious #delusional #funny #hard-work #humor

I went out to eat on a restaurant’s opening night. It was packed! I guess people heard I’d be dining there and came to adore me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#delusional #funny #funny

I want to make enough money to buy an island. Something modest, like Australia.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#ambitious #australia #delusion #delusional #desire

I managed to beat Michael Phelps’ 400 meter IM time. And not only did I beat his time, but I did it in exactly 200 meters.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #compete #competition #competitive #delusional

The police called it choking, but I called it a two-handed neck hug. That’s how I knew she really loved me. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#attempted-murder #authorities #choke #choking #crime

I think it was a possibility, I think we're all kind of delusional like that, we think that we can all carry on being who we are without bending ourselves to make ourselves acceptable and expect someone to come along and see to us and rescue to us. ↗

— Brendan Gleeson

#along #being #bending #carry #come

She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you" with "May I take your order? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cashier #confusion #daydreaming #delusional #fantasy

On my first date with Agatha, I wore tight green Spandex, which made my skinny legs look like asparagus. Knowing no heterosexual woman could resist such a temptation, I set out to seduce her. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#delusional #funny #seduce #dating

The attitude we have towards our personal pets as opposed to the animals that suffer under the factory farm is hypocritical and delusional. ↗

— James Cromwell

#delusional #factory #farm #hypocritical #opposed

How can I clearly see what’s wrong with someone else, and then look at myself as though I’m standing in front of a fogged mirror?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#delusional #delusions #hypocrisy #hypocrisy