#comedy

Recent studies have shown that approximately 40% of authors are manic depressive. The rest of us just drink. ↗

— Melodie Campbell

#fantasy #humor #love #magic #paranormal

Those of you who are not aware of my brilliant career as a stand up comic, I'm not aware of it either so we might well wonder what we're doing here. ↗

— Alan Rickman

#comedy #humor #humor

Be easy on yourself. Have fun. Only hang around people that are positive and make you feel good. Anybody who doesn’t make you feel good, kick them to the curb. And the earlier you start in your life the better. The minute anybody makes you feel weird and non-included or not supported, you know, either beat it or tell them to beat it. ↗

— Amy Poehler

#comedy #fun #humor #life #positive

I shouted the perfect words to scare him off. It was just the delivery (and only the delivery) that made me sound like a twelve-year-old girl with pee running down her leg. I felt dirty and stupid. ↗

— Graham Parke

#humor #literature #humor

The stalker, meanwhile, stepped into the road. Didn’t even check for traffic. There wasn’t any, but something told me this was lucky for traffic rather than the stalker. ↗

— Graham Parke

#humor #philosophy #humor

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bull shit. ↗

— Richard Pryor

#richard-pryor #stand-up-comedy #vampires #humor

I don't believe in virgin sacrifice. It encourages promiscuity at an early age ↗

— Adrianne Ambrose

#barbarian #comedy #fantasy #parody #age

Excuse me, your attention please.” He waited until the whole floor had stopped what it was doing and turned to face him. For a split second his impulse control kicked in, but by then his mouth was fully engaged. “For the record, Claire Marsden and I are not having sex. ↗

— Sarah Mayberry

#humour #romance #romantic-comedy #funny

[The cats] scamper in front of my legs, causing me to fall and face plant into whatever furniture is closest. They especially like to play this game when I’m carrying piping hot coffee. ↗

— Weston Locher

#comedy #essay #funny #humor #funny

There was a group of fans who wanted autographs, and several women who managed to write their phone numbers on Wade's hand before he pulled free. Sam sent him an arched brow, but he just shrugged. He got numbers written on him a lot; he'd never figured out how to stop that from happening. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humour #romance #romantic-comedy #funny