#comedy

He could sit in the dust and dark of the carriage house and rot for the rest of his life. Clearly that's what he wished to do. It was not my place to get in the way of so profound a destiny. ↗

— Kristin Bailey

#steampunk #life

I was really more interested in dramatic work, but I thought, 'Well, I guess I could do comedy.' ↗

— Donny Most

#could #dramatic #dramatic work #guess #i

Georgie?” He reached out with both hands to steady her—and himself. His mind had trouble focusing. He couldn’t believe Georgie was actually standing in front of him. She looked liked an angel—in knee-high biker boots. Those boots looked even better in real life than in his imagination. He gazed into her eyes and was filled with so many emotions, so many things he wanted to say to her, he didn’t know where to start. “I like your shoes,” he said. ↗

— Jennifer Shirk

#imagination

Once bitten twice shy? Sure, but... why not get a bigger dog and bite them back? ↗

— A.A. Bell

#bell #bit #comedy #crime #dogs

You barbarians!' he yelled. 'I'll sue the council for every penny it's got! I'll have you hung, drawn and quartered! And whipped! And boiled...until...until...until...until you've had enough.' Ford was running after him. Very very fast. 'And then I will do it again!' yelled Arthur, 'And when I've finished I will take all the little bits, and I will jump on them! ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor #science-fiction #violence #humor

Few people actually read. Instead, everyone likes pretending they read. If we spent as much time reading as we say we do, we'd be grossly overweight and depressed. ↗

— Dan Wilbur

#life

It'd be great to be so famous that if I murder someone, I will never, ever, ever serve any jail time, even if it's totally obvious to everyone that I did it. ↗

— Mindy Kaling

#fame #humor #kaling #mindy #murder

I'm not racist, I've got a black president ↗

— Dane Cook

#humor #humor

I do not know what it was about that boy but just looking at him, even I wanted to clout him on the head. It was a head that invited violence. ↗

— Patrick deWitt

#funny #humor #funny

No,' the professor replied. 'Her Majesty s alive and well - at least I assume so if she hasn't met a certain van driver from Yeovil.' ~Professor Hamilton ↗

— Bryan Davis

#humor #humor