#comedy

The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled. Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#grandma-mazur #comedy

[Gethin] was used to New York and schlepping down to Buddakan or a trendy bistro in Manhattan’s meatpacking district or some other hip and happening joint, she thought, running out of ‘Sex and the City’ hotspots. Welsh cuisine probably wasn’t sexy enough for him now, but once you got over the sight of laver bread and cockles, all that iodine was supposed to do wonders for your love life. On the other hand, Gethin Lewis didn’t look like a man who needed any chemical crutch to boost his libido. ↗

— Christine Stovell

#love

I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said. ↗

— Dave Matthes

#bastard #booze #comedy #conditioner #crack

Mungkin kau harus berhenti memedulikan apa kata orang tentang dirimu. ↗

— Francisca Todi

#inspirational #relationship #romance #romance-novels #romantic

It's easier to play a dim character, for me, because I have a natural bent for comedy. It's not intrinsic for me to be crafty, so I would have to go outside for a source of origin. I think of myself as pretty dim. ↗

— Stephen Root

#bent #character #comedy #crafty #dim

I'm gonna be percy Jackson when I grow up," she told Hazel solemnly. Hazel Smiled and ruffled her hair. "That's a good thing to be, Julia." "Although," Frank said. "Frank Zhang would be good too. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#frank #hazel #hero #humor #inspirational

The first way not to shake hands is executed by receiving someone’s hand in yours and proceeding to squeeze it tightly, hurting the other party as if they were responsible for a past death in your family, or your adoption as a child. ↗

— Weston Locher

#comedy #essay #funny #humor #death

It doesn't look great if you cancel the reigning Best Comedy Program, you know, you're gonna take a hit from a... from sort of a public relations standpoint. ↗

— Will Arnett

#cancel #comedy #gonna #great #hit

I can work every day of the year. TV is easy. My call's at 8:30 a.m. I'd like to break out of the comedy thing and take a shot at something serious like theater. The off-season allows me to do movies, but I'm not tired of TV yet. There's nothing like it. I've got the best of both worlds. ↗

— Scott Baio

#best #both #break #call #comedy

I certainly love doing comedy and feel most comfortable near it. ↗

— Candice Bergen

#comedy #comfortable #doing #feel #i