#comedian

Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries enough artillery in his pants pockets to construct a sawed-off shotgun. Evidently, he though we were headed to Iraq. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#funny #humor #humorous #funny

Inside was the second LP album of a comedian's performance before an audience. ↗

— Shelley Berman

#audience #before #comedian #inside #performance

My mom is two people to me. She's my mom number one, and then she's this lady most comedians know as being a legendary owner of a nightclub that's responsible for starting a lot of heavy careers. ↗

— Pauly Shore

#careers #comedians #heavy #know #lady

I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian. ↗

— Dane Cook

#i #i love #love #remind #you

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist. ↗

— Jeff Foxworthy

#comedian #me #people #stuff #tell

From 1936 on, I have taken more falls than any other 20 comedians put together. From the time I was 21, I've taken them on everything from clay courts to cement to wood floors, coming off pianos, going out a two-story window, landing on Dean, falling into the rough. You do that and you're gonna have problems. ↗

— Jerry Lewis

#cement #clay #comedians #coming #courts

Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not. ↗

— James Lipton

#busy #comedians #funny #laugh #too

The demand for standup in the eighties was created by how easy it was to exploit 'comedians' and create very cheap television programming. ↗

— Marc Maron

#comedians #create #created #demand #easy

Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like... after "I love you"... or "You're going to live"... or "It's a boy! ↗

— Demetri Martin

#comedy #equivocation #funny #humor #funny

Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there. ↗

— Bob Newhart

#antenna #attention #because #comedians #never