#comedian

Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries enough artillery in his pants pockets to construct a sawed-off shotgun. Evidently, he though we were headed to Iraq. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#funny #humor #humorous #funny

Jeff: I understand you guys had a good day today? Peanut: Yes we had a great day! Jose: No we did not. Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Yes Jose: No we did not have a good day. Peanut: Yes we hhhaad...a great frickin' day! What? Jeff: Did you have a good day? Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Shut up Jeff: A good day? Peanut: Yes Jose: No Peanut: Shut up Jeff: You're supposed to have taken him to the spa. Peanut: I took him to the spa! Jose: He put me in the vegetable steamer. Peanut: It's the same thing!!! ↗

— Jeff Dunham

#humor #jeff-dunham #jose-jalapeno-on-a-stick #peanut #humor

Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they're just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that. ↗

— Aziz Ansari

#around #audiences #base #because #cheap

That's why modern corporate movie making has become so laborious that comedians are kind of kicked out by 50. ↗

— Dana Carvey

#comedians #corporate #kicked #kind #laborious

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever. ↗

— Gilbert Gottfried

#being funny #comedian #funny #given #i

I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy. ↗

— Dennis Miller

#comedy #doing #enough #god #hip

I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes. ↗

— Paul Rudd

#comedian #concern #consider #i #jokes

I was with a famous comedian when a young fan walked up and asked for an autograph. The comedian blew him off. I'll never forget the look on the young boy's face. He was devastated. ↗

— Louie Anderson

#autograph #blew #boy #comedian #devastated

I don't think I was a good comedian. ↗

— Brigitte Bardot

#good #i #think

I thought they may have presumed too much knowledge of certain things for people who are not comedians. Like Montreal. A comic understands what it is and its importance, but someone else may not know about it. ↗

— Todd Barry

#certain #certain things #comedians #comic #else