#com

Ask not, what you must do for your computer. Fear instead, what your computer can do to you. ↗

— with apologies to John F. Kennedy

#disaster #humor #humor

Sebastian,” Katarina said, turning to her nephew. “You’ve grown.” “It happens,” Sebastian quipped, flashing her his usual lopsided grin. “Goodness,” she said with smile, “you’ll be a danger to the ladies soon.” Harry very nearly rolled his eyes. Sebastian had already made conquests of nearly all the girls in the village near Hesslewhite. He must give off some sort of scent, because the females positively fell at his feet. It would have been appalling, except that the girls couldn’t all dance with Sebastian. And Harry was more than happy to be the nearest man standing when the smoke cleared. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor #humor

I believe in evolution in the sense that a short-tempered man is the successor of a crybaby. ↗

— Criss Jami

#belief #clever #comparison #control #crying

Never let other people bring you down let Jesus be the one who brings you down, because he knows what he is doing ↗

— Skye Daphne

#humor #insperational-story #romance #science-fiction #humor

You will be so dead, dear Sister. Make telpon dari tadi kayak Kroasia ada di sebelah Jakarta aja. Huahahaha ↗

— Sitta Karina

#comedy #humor #humor

An English traveller relates how he lived upon intimate terms with a tiger; he had reared it and used to play with it, but always kept a loaded pistol on the table. ↗

— Stendhal

#companionship #humor #trust #humor

Oh yes, I'm at my happiest when I have a good idea and I'm drawing it well, and it comes out well and somebody laughs at it. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#humor #humor

It wasn’t enough that I had to worry about playing well and winning the game, but I also had to deal with possibility that one of my teammates could be dragged off the field by the inhabitants of the mental hospital. ↗

— Weston Locher

#comedy #essays #funny #hilarious #humor

How wonderful," he purred. "I've been longing to speak to you for days, Princess Cecelia." "And I've been wanting to kick you in the shin for days. ↗

— Jessica Day George

#kick #scary-comment-backfired #shin #humor

You can’t keep bitch-slapping your creativity, or it’ll run away and find a new pimp. ↗

— George Meyer

#creativity #humor #humor