#clapping

Eight people show up. The emcee is warm, friendly, and about as funny as Shoah. I take the stage to the sound of, my hand to God, one person clapping once and only once, and then I start into my act. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#hand-to-god #patton-oswalt #shoah #stand-up #funny

The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping. ↗

— Christy Leigh Stewart

#clapping #funny #funny-and-random #retarded #equality

My left hand is my bad hand. I spank it with my right hand. You might call it clapping, but I call it discipline. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#applause #clap #clapping #discipline #funny

I am the Hooray Distributor. Hold your hands flat, not like begging for money, but as if you’re about to applaud. Now clap, damn you.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#applause #beg #begging #clap #clapping

I did not approve of your action—I was merely congratulating myself. What you mistook for clapping was merely me giving myself multiple high fives.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#applaud #applause #approve #clap #clapping

The fairies, as their custom, clapped their hands with delight over their cleverness, and they were so madly in love with the little house that they could not bear to think they had finished it. ↗

— J.M. Barrie

#fairies #finish #hands #happy #house