#butcher

After I won the Oscar, my salary doubled, my friends tripled, my children became more popular at school, my butcher made a pass at me, and my maid hit me up for a raise. ↗

— Shirley Jones

#after #became #butcher #children #doubled

The butcher died, and he requested to be cremated. But I don’t want to burn him, because I like my meat medium rare.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cannibalism #cook #cooking #cremated #death

In this life, no matter what anyone promises you, what allegiances of love or fealty they swear or what gods they pray to, you will never have more than what you have at this moment. ↗

— Richard Kadrey

#count-non #life

Asking a critic to name his favorite book is like asking a butcher to name his favorite pig. ↗

— John McCarthy

#book #butcher #critic #favorite #his

I met a guy who had an interesting job. He was a meat cutter, or a meat slicer, something like that. I probably butchered his job title.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#food #humor #interesting #job #meat