#bloke

Some bloke came up to me in Tesco a couple of years ago at 11:30 pm and said: 'Excuse me, would you mind telling my son here that you're Uncle Vernon?' I said: 'Get a grip. It's 11:30 at night - what's he doing out of bed? I'm not here to entertain people at this time of night. ↗

— Richard Griffiths

#bed #bloke #came #couple #doing

Sad old blokes, I'm told, now dream of me with a whip in hand. ↗

— Anne Robinson

#dream #hand #i #me #now

It seems like the older bands are bigger than ever. We get a mixed crowd where you have kids and old blokes like me. ↗

— Geezer Butler

#bigger #blokes #crowd #ever #get

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.' ↗

— Tommy Cooper

#around #assistant #blind #bloke #calls

Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out. ↗

— Johnny Vegas

#big #bloke #enough #out #pointing

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'" ↗

— Tim Vine

#car #getting #give #give me #go

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.' ↗

— Tommy Cooper

#car #getting #give #give me #go

You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is. ↗

— Johnny Vegas

#became #bloke #dad #decent #half

The first thing is to be patient, which is probably the hardest thing to do. Don't worry if blokes are whacking you out of the park because you still have the opportunity to get him out next ball, even if it's not the same ball. ↗

— Shane Warne

#be patient #because #blokes #even #first

Maybe if I'd not been able to kick a ball it would have been different, but I doubt it because all my mates are decent blokes now, just normal fellas with families. ↗

— Robbie Fowler

#ball #because #been #blokes #decent