#batteries

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. ↗

— Steven Wright

#batteries #bought #i #included #some

This is our lance. See, you're making me laugh about this now, because there have been a few jokes on the set about what they actually look like. But, see, I personally think they'd be a great toy. So... just batteries aren't included. ↗

— Kevin Sorbo

#actually #batteries #because #been #few

My friends always joke that I run on batteries. ↗

— Alexander Wang

#batteries #friends #i #joke #run

I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.' ↗

— Demetri Martin

#batteries #cause #confusion #foreigners #hard

Of your own indefatigable labor from early dawn and of your explicit instructions, that the batteries should reserve their ammunition, until the grand charge should commence, for which the enemy were undoubtedly preparing. ↗

— John Bigelow

#batteries #charge #commence #dawn #early

For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#birthday #dead #death #funny #gift