#bat

I just peed in the sink. Why? Because there was already somebody in the bathtub.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bathtub #humor #pee #sink #humor

Remember how it felt yesterday? What you saw me do?” I snorted and grinned. “Man, do I ever. I remembered twice last night and again this morning. ↗

— Missy Welsh

#innuendo #masturbation #humor

She imagined herself both queen and slave, dominatrix and victim. In her imagination she was making love with men of all skin colors--white, black, yellow--with homosexuals and beggars. She was anyone's, and anyone could do anything to her. She had one, two, three orgasms, one after another. She imagined everything she had never imagined before, and she gave herself to all that was most base and most pure. ↗

— Paulo Coelho

#masturbation #sexuality #imagination

Masturbation is love in a microwave. Be sure to use plenty of plastic wrap. ↗

— Bauvard

#masturbation #microwaves #love

Have you ever heard a blindfolded octopus unwrap a cellophane-covered bathtub? ↗

— Norton Juster

#bathtub #fantasy #fiction #hearing #kids

Diversity and independence are important because the best collective decisions are the product of disagreement and contest, not consensus or compromise. ↗

— James Surowiecki

#decisions #diversity #diversity

It always seems as though the definition of love will remain debatable by an opinionated world. ↗

— Criss Jami

#conflict #confusion #debate #definition #disagreement

To the Sabbath! To the Sabbath!' they cried. 'On to the Witches' Sabbath!" Up and down that narrow hall they danced, the women on each side of him, to the wildest measure he had ever imagined, yet which he dimly, dreadfully remembered, till the lamp on the wall flickered and went out, and they were left in total darkness. And the devil woke in his heart with a thousand vile suggestions and made him afraid. ↗

— Algernon Blackwood

#sabbath #witch #imagination

Be yourself. Unless you can be Batman, then be Batman ↗

— Jayy Von Monroe

#funny #humor #musician #funny

Spending one’s last moments prostrated before the toilet is the supreme act of repentance. It allows one to relieve a heavy inner burden. ↗

— Bauvard

#confession #funny #humor #prostration #toilet