#bastard

I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said. ↗

— Dave Matthes

#bastard #booze #comedy #conditioner #crack

For some reason, the two of us arguing was like some sick form of foreplay. ↗

— Christina Lauren

#beauty

I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling. ↗

— Frida Kahlo

#bastards #decent #drown #feeling #good

I knew everything happened for a reason. I just wished the reason would hurry up and make itself known. ↗

— Christina Lauren

#everything-happens-for-a-reason #beauty

Christ on a cracker, he's pretty. ↗

— Christina Lauren

#oh-the-humor #beauty

I am a bastard, too. I love bastards! I am bastard begot, bastard instructed, bastard in mind, bastard in valor, in everything illegitimate. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#love

I moved further and further away from mass entertainment. The sexual element became increasingly sinister and bizarre. Don't blame me! The bastards drove me to it! They all backed off after that! ↗

— Robert Crumb

#away #backed #bastards #became #bizarre

Almost in every kingdom the most ancient families have been at first princes' bastards. ↗

— Robert Burton

#ancient #bastards #been #every #families

Call me later, you’d said, so I could call you later, at night, and it is those nights I miss you, Ed, the most, on the phone, you beautiful bastard. ↗

— Daniel Handler

#break-ups #love #pain #beauty

Well, good afternoon, sunshine. How are you feeling?" "Like something the cat dragged in, then dragged back outside to leave in the rain, and mud, then the lightning hit it, and burned it, and the cat came back to tear it into pieces, before burying it. ↗

— Kimberly Montague

#bastard #betrayal #brother #car #cars