#at

You know, it's possible for two humans to be in a relationship without there needing to be some public reason for that relationship. ↗

— Chris Martin

#know #needing #possible #public #reason

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day. ↗

— Dean Martin

#day #feel #getting #going #good

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up. ↗

— Dean Martin

#hands #i #once #pat #right

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does. ↗

— Dean Martin

#does #hollywood #jimmy #jimmy stewart #museum

I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!' ↗

— Demetri Martin

#busy #characters #could #create #died

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! ↗

— Demetri Martin

#fat #spoon #tell #then #you

I like women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dog's name and then I asked, 'Does he bite?' and she said, 'No.' And I said, 'So how does he eat?' Liar! ↗

— Demetri Martin

#asked #big #bite #does #dog

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#allows #because #camera #digital #great

I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#because #believe #breakfast #butter #eat

If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#building #choose #down #elevator #escalator