#ash

She's fifteen!" Nash shrugged. "That's just a number. It doesn't say anything about her." "It says something pretty damn funny about your IQ!" I said, and he opened his mouth to retort, but I spoke over him. "Fifteen is too young to drive, too young to get a legal job, too young to sign a lease, and obviously too young to pick a boyfriend with half a brain. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#nash #tod #funny

Absurdity and anti—absurdity are the two poles of creative energy. ↗

— Karl Lagerfeld

#absurdity #anti-absurdity #art #bi #bipolar

Americans have an abiding belief in their ability to control reality by purely material means... airline insurance replaces the fear of death with the comforting prospect of cash. ↗

— Cecil Beaton

#airline #belief #cash #comforting #control

...our witness, one Edward Littleton, was a gay as Elton John's handbag. ↗

— Ann Somerville

#funny #gay #homosexuality #humor #humour

There's no need to clarify my finger snap," said Magnus. "The implication was clear in the snap itself. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #magnus-bane #humor

Victorian rigidities were such that ladies were not even allowed to blow out candles in mixed company, as that required them to pucker their lips suggestively. They could not say that they were going "to bed"--that planted too stimulating an image--but merely that they were "retiring." It became effectively impossible to discuss clothing in even a clinical sense without resort to euphemisms. Trousers became "nether integuments" or simply "inexpressibles" and underwear was "linen." Women could refer among themselves to petticoats or, in hushed tones, stockings, but could mention almost nothing else that brushed bare flesh. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#modesty #underwear #victorian-era #home

I love new clothes. If everyone could just wear new clothes everyday, I reckon depression wouldn’t exist anymore. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#fashion #humor #humor

Mom. I have something to tell you. I’m undead. Now, I know you may have some preconceived notions about the undead. I know you may not be comfortable with the idea of me being undead. But I’m here to tell you that undead are just like you and me … well, okay. Possibly more like me than you. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #mortal-instruments #simon #vampire #humor

Watching Jace hug Isabelle, she tried to school her features into a happy and loving expression. "Are you all right?" Simon asked, with some concern. "Your eyes are crossing. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #humor #simon-lewis #humor

That's it, cupcake. You're going down. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #trash-talk #humor