#ascanio

Did those nice church ladies come by again?" He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ascanio #awesome #church #funny #hilarious

Put your badass face on and follow me. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#derek #kate #ilona-andrews

swore. “Barabas said you might say that. I’m supposed to tell you this.” Ascanio cleared his throat and produced a remarkably accurate impression of Barabas’s tenor. “Courage, Your Majesty.” “I will kill him.” “The Beast Lord or Barabas?” “Both. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#barabas #kate #courage

We don't need teenage bouda sex fiends as interns. How do you know he is a sex fiend? He is fifteen and he's a bouda. Hello? ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ascanio #kate #teenagers

Say 'pop.'" "Pop?" "That was the sound of me pulling your head out of your ass. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ilona-andrews #kate #magic-slays #ilona-andrews

Where is the bane of my existence?" "In the shower, freshening up." Damn it all to hell. "Oh God, who did Ascanio screw now?" "No, no, he's covered in blood." "Oh good." Wait a minute. "The kid is covered in blood and we're relieved. There is something wrong with us. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ascanio #kate-daniels #ilona-andrews