#artemis

Orion nodded, then asked, “Dwarf cheese?” “Cheese made by dwarfs.” “Oh,” said Orion, relieved. “They make it. It’s not actually . . .” “No. What a horrible thought.” “Exactly. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#dwarfs #funny #orion #funny

The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#eoin-colfer #evolution #science #science

He gave me the brochure. It was about the Hunters of Artemis. The front read, A WISE CHOICE FOR YOUR FUTURE! Inside were pictures of young maidens doing hunter stuff, chasing monsters, shooting bows. There were captions like: HEALTH BENEFITS: IMMORTALITY AND WHAT IT MEANS FOR YOU! and A BOY-FREE TOMORROW! "I found that in Annabeth's backpack," Grover said. I stared at him. "I don't understand." "Well, it seems to me… maybe Annabeth was thinking about joining." I'd like to say I took the news well. The truth was, I wanted to strangle the Hunters of Artemis one eternal maiden at a time. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#artemis #grover-underwood #percy-jackson #wise

You need to stop thinking with your head, Mud Boy, and start thinking with your heart.” Artemis sighed. The heart was an organ for pumping oxygen-rich blood to the cells. It could no more think than an apple could tap-dance. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#love #mulch #humor

That will be her undoing," gasped Artemis, already suffering under the weight of the flak jacket. "Artemis Fowl will never be secondary." "I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#artemis-fowl-the- #funny

Boys are usually forbidden to have any contact with the Hunters. The last one to see this camp…” She looked at Zoe. “Which one was it?” That boy in Colorado,” Zoe said. “You turned him into a jackalope.” Ah, yes.” Artemis nodded, satisfied. “I enjoy making jackalopes… ↗

— Rick Riordan

#hunters #jackalopes #percy-jackson #zoe #percy-jackson

Orion brightened. "I have an idea." "Yes?" said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained. "Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere or other. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#atlantis #birthmarks #complex #foaly #humor

Let's save some time here. I grow weary of your clumsy bluffs. In the case of an abduction, the LEP will send a crack Retrieval team to get back what has been lost.. You have done so. Excuse me while I titter. Crack team? Honestly. A Cub-Scout patrol armed with water pistols could have defeated them. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor #humor

You guys looking for my dad? People are always, like, looking for him, and he's never around. Daddy is so not here. And I mean that literally and spiritually. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor #juliet #humor

Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares! ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#foaly #humor #humour #humor