#andre

I gave him my Order smile: sweet grin, hard eyes, reached over to my passenger seat, and pulled out my submachine gun. About twenty-seven inches long, the HK was my favorite toy for close-quarters combat. The rider’s eyes went wide. “This is an HK UMP submachine gun. Renowned for its stopping power and reliability. Cyclic rate of fire: eight hundred rounds per minute. That means I can empty this thirty-round clip into you in less than three seconds. At this range, I’ll cut you in half.” It wasn’t strictly true but it sounded good. “You see what it says on the barrel?” On the barrel, pretty white letters spelled out PARTY STARTER. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #humor

Wiggles hissed as I crossed the floor toward the throne. She fixed me with her empty hateful eyes and smelled the air, her long tongue shivering through the slit of the lipless mouth. Nice to see you too, sweetheart. Remember my cattle prod? ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ilona-andrews #magic-bites #humor

Wie es scheint, schmilzt die Frühlingssonne den harten Eispanzer des Barbarenhäuptlings, und, o Wunder, darunter kommt ein Philisoph zum Vorschein." "Ich weiß nicht was Vielosoof für eine Beleidigung ist, aber du kannst dir sicher sein, dass der Barbarenhäuptling dir gleich die Axt in den Rachen schiebt!" Ollowain schlang die Arme übereinander und tat, als zittere er. "So plötzlich kehrt der Winter zurück und lässt die schönsten Frühlingsblüten erfrieren." "Hast du mich gerade etwa mit Blüten verglichen?", grollte Mandred. "Nur eine Allegorie, mein Freund." Der Menschensohn runzelte die Stirn. Dann nickte er. "Ich nehme deine Entschuldigung an, Ollowain." Nuramon musste sich auf die Unterlippe beißen, um nicht laut loszulachen. ↗

— Bernhard Hennen

#hennen #humor #mandred #nuramon #ollowain

Kate Daniels, deadly swordmaster. Fear my twitching pinkie. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#kate #magic-bleeds #ilona-andrews

Next to me, Saiman smiled. "We all want what we can't have, Kate. I want you, you want love, and he wants to break my neck. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ilona-andrews #kate #magic-bleeds #saiman #love

Doode," George said. He'd practiced all morning but still didn't get it quite right. "Nope, more u, less oo. Duuude." "Dude." "Dude." "Okay, dude." George nodded. "How's it hanging?" Jack asked. "How am I supposed to answer that?" George looked at him. "I don't think Kaldar said anything about that. I guess 'good'? I don't get it. What's hanging anyway?" George shook his head. "Your stuff, you nimwit." His stuff...Oh. Ha! "In that case, it's hanging long!" Jack dissolved in giggles. "Long, get it? ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#fate-s-edge #funny #george #hanging #ilona-andrews

At the door, Audrey called, "Are you coming?" "No, just breathing hard, love." He glanced at her and was rewarded by an outraged glare, followed by, "Oh, my God! ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#fate-s-edge #funny #ilona-andrews #kaldar #the-edge

He had the prettiest hair she had ever seen on a man: dark brown, almost black, and soft like sable, it fell down to his shoulders. She wondered what he'd do if she threw some mud in it. Probably kill her. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#cerise #funny #hair #ilona-andrews #the-edge

We don't need teenage bouda sex fiends as interns. How do you know he is a sex fiend? He is fifteen and he's a bouda. Hello? ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ascanio #kate #teenagers

I flexed my wrist, popped a silver needle into my palm, and offered it to him. 'What's this?' 'A needle.' 'What should I do with it?' He'd walked right into it. Too easy. 'Please use it to pop your head. It's obscuring my view of the room.' - Kate & Saiman ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#kate-daniels #magic-strikes #saiman #shapeshifters #kate