#amp

This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us. ↗

— Jim Benton

#funny #maniac #psycho #running #vampire

Tod crossed his arms over his snug white T-shirt, silently giving me the floor. Fortunately, I was prepared. "Sabine ambushed me in the hall this morning and gave me a lecture on sex." Tod's brow's rose halfway to his hairline. "I hope you took notes... ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#kaylee-cavanaugh #notes #sabine-campbell #tod-hudson #funny

A shadow crossed Andrea's face. "I don't want to be his TWT-IHFB." "What does that mean?" "That Weird Thing I Haven't Fucked Before." I choked. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#kate-daniels #shapeshifter #vampyre #funny

What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally shit myself lifeless. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#attack #bear #camp #camping #funny

We're clear," she said. "You're kind of a psycho. I get that ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #morganville-vampires #funny

At least you left out the oh-my-God sauce this time." "Made myself a batch with it," Shane said. "It's got the biohazard sticker on it in the fridge, so don't bitch if you get flamed. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#chilli #funny #morganville-vampires #funny

For most vampires, it's an automatic response - scent blood, fangs drop. ↗

— J.A. London

#funny #vampires #funny

Shane, honey, in Morganville, friends are the only things that keep you alive. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#morganville-vampires #the-dead-girls-dance #funny

It's a sweet setup, I'll admit. For all that the maids STILL show up each day with jumbo crucifixes, jumpy movements, and red eyes from crying over the short straw that drew them vampire duty.' Yesterday, she'd just stopped herself from raising her clenched hands above her head and chasing one of them around the room groaning, 'I vant to suck your blood. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#kresley-cole #vampire #vampires #funny

Now that we know you're not a hundred percent vampire you should stop trying to suck necks," I said to Ziggy. "I'll try," Ziggy said, "but it's a hard habit to break. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephine-plum #vampire #funny