#ada

I've got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?" "You can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't." "There goes my Saturday. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-lost-souls #funny #humor #lambada #magnus-bane

First blood is mine. Last blood counts for more. --Artemis Entreri and Drizzt Do'Urden ↗

— R.A. Salvatore

#funny #lolz #funny

hornier than a bunny on ecstasy ↗

— Kyle Adams

#dirty #funny #kyle #play #funny

Zombies, deadheads, corpsicles. What's the difference? They don't care. They don't have feelings to hurt. ↗

— Daniel Waters

#funny-yet-mean #generation-dead #funny

He’d use this opportunity to impress Rick and show him that he did, in fact, have more to offer than just being a sexy skanktart. To show that he wasn’t just a brainless bimfoon, that’s when a bimbo breeds with a buffoon, resulting in a true, hot mess. ↗

— Kyle Adams

#drag #drag-queen #funny #kyle-adams #skanktart

Remove yourself, sir! ↗

— David McCullough

#david-mccullough #funny #history #john-adams #funny

She reached up to place her fingertips to his lips as she stared up at him with a warm, tender expression. "I wish you had come home to me so that I could have helped you." He pulled the cloth away from her face and stared at her for a hard second. "Had I known what was waiting for me, my lady, I would have." -Christian and Adara ↗

— Kinley MacGregor

#christian #kinley-macgregor #return-of-the-warrior #home

While Coach Hedge was having dinner on the foredeck, a wild pegasus appeared from nowhere,stampeded over the coach’s enchiladas, and flew off again, leaving cheesy hoof prints all across the deck. “What was that for?” the coach demanded. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#coach #humor #pegasus #humor

I've got a dad thanks. Your just the jerk who knocked up my mum and left her to figure out what to do with a son who likes setting things on fire." - Adam Vasic ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor #kelly-armstrong #thirteen #humor

When we got to the moron who was sitting in the only path to the stairway, Adam caught my waist and lifted me over before stepping over the man himself. “Scott?” Adam said as we headed upstairs. “Yeah?” “Unless someone shoots you, skins you, and throws the results on the floor, I don’t want to see you lying in the walkway again.” “Yessir! ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#humor #mercy-thompson #silver-borne #threats #humor