#absurd

All non-incumbent campaigns promise hope and change, but Obama took the promise to a new level of absurdity. He suggested that a vote for him would literally transform the Earth. ↗

— John Podhoretz

#campaigns #change #earth #him #hope

The Nile is famous for overflowing like my love. How fertile is your valley? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #nile #silly #change

Why go to remote parts of the world? If they’re remote, just turn them on and watch them on your couch. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#silly #change

I rode my horse to the saloon, but it was out of business. The cowboy I spoke with said the bartender served the saloon’s last drink on March 5th, 1882. Guess I shouldn’t have taken so long to shower and get ready. Ah, but that’s life, no?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bartender #cowboy #life #saloon #shower

I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bathtub #choir #kinky #music #musical

At my last birthday party I had fun and really let myself go. Literally. I opened the cages where I keep my clones and I let myself go, all 333 versions of myself. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#absurdity #birthday #clones #change

Can you break my five-dollar bill into five singles? Women love guys with lots of money.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#break #cash #change #currency #dollar

My erection at noon causes an elongated shadow so black you’d think I was an albino. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#albino #erection #funny #humor #noon

Water always flows downhill. So does my love. Are you prepared for a flood? You’d better build an ark. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#ark #flood #love #water #change

You made me dinner, so I made myself vomit—twice. Once to clear some room in my full stomach so I could eat, and the second time as an expression of what I thought about your cooking. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cooking #dinner #food #rude #change